Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I need help from anyone who is willing to give me advise. We have been struggling with our son Garrett for a while now and I am at my whits end. He has issues with authority. He doesn't respect his teacher at school (there have been problems with her from the beginning of the year, thank heaven the school year is almost over) and he has issues with us as parents. He yells at us and lies to us. We are very calm when talking to him and he still gets frustrated and yells and turns into another kid. He lies to our face even when we know the truth he will still lie to us. I am willing to try anything. It seems like we have tried everything and the only thing we can say to each other is we don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to give up on my son. he can be really sweet but this lying and yelling thing is getting the better of me. He doesn't care if he gets grounded and you take things away so there isn't much else to do. I really need to figure this out!
I am a fan of Dr. Laura. Please give her a try. You might like what she has to say. She has a book called "Ten Stupid Things Parents do to Mess up Their Kids."
Or just look at her website. http://www.drlaura.com
Good luck with everything!!
I wish I had the magic answer but everyone is so different. I have reached the "I don't know what to do anymore" place twice in my parenting. Once was when Britt was between two & five. I had gone through a year or two of her being very stubborn and rebellious. Then Diana was born and that made it worse. Nothing worked. If I sat her in a corner she would lean just far enough out so as to not be in the corner anymore. (Defiant! That's another word to use!) She did everything she could to bother her big sister. If we spanked her, she hit back! Sarah was so easy to discipline and reason with. I prayed and prayed and finally the words came into my head, "Take her by the hand & show her the way...". I knew then that with this particular child I would have to show her the way, show her the reasons why her behavior was not right or appropriate rather than just telling her she was wrong & punishing her. She could care less about the latter. I spent a lot of time talking to her, learning her mind and how she saw things. That turned into cuddling and just enjoying being together.
The second time was recently with Richard's OCD. He was not being a discipline problem but it was a trial that Dee and I just didn't know where to go with. He was literally paralyzed physically and emotionally. PRAYER! Prayer was the way I got through it. I had many an answer come to me during the day when I was just doing my routine housework or sitting and thinking. One step and one day at a time we helped him and ourselves get through the initial shock, fear, and agony of his difficulties. We had to let a lot of other tings go. Merit badges were not important, neither was trying to do whatever the Young Men were doing like Read the Book of Mormon in 100 Days...or whatever it was. We cut out the extra and focused on home and getting through each day.
So, every child is different but one thing that will really help is to make him the focus of intense prayer and thought. You will get answers. They will guide you step by step. I think you were on to something awhile back when you blogged about how you thought Garrett might feel lost between Gavyn's diabetes and Ella's just being Ella (!). Just spending more one on one time with him might be a big help, both in him feeling important and in you and Bryan getting a better feel for what he needs. Next time he yells or mouths off maybe one of you could just take him for a ride. Go sit in the shade at a park and talk, try to dig up what is really behind the anger. Let him know how much you love him always and maybe his heart will begin to change.
My heart is with you! I'll remember you all in my prayers! Love to you and Bryan!
P.S. I like Dr. Laura's advice a lot too! Try her out!
I agree with mom...reading that brought tears to my eyes. I bet both Jerry and Garrett would benefit and LOVE spending time together! Just look at Jolynn...I know she spend most of her time with Jerry and Nancy and look how wonderful she turned out!
Hang in there...maybe we should swap kids for a bit...I'll take Garrett if you take my ALWAYS crying Savanna??
Love you...if you need to vent, scream, cry...whatever...call me! :)
Before reading what everyone else had said the first thought that just came to my mind was a time that I was really struggling with my Conner. He was about 3 or 4 and he was just really being defiant and difficult for me. I had shed many tears over how to handle him and what to do and I had said many prayers about how to handle him. Finally one day when we were having an extra rough time and I was just at my breaking point. Out of know where the most profound words popped into my head and it was..."Just love him!" "Just love Conner for Conner and enjoy who he is." Sounds pretty silly but after I just stepped back for a minute and put my focus on the positivies and not the negatives things got better.
I wish you lots of luck with Garrett. One thing I know about Garrett is there couldn't be a sweeter boy around than him! He has a heart of gold! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
We love you all!
JoLynn
Love ya,
JoLynn:)